I thought I’d make a little detour through time today, and revisit myself *ahem* 27 years or so ago.
Recently, I had the pleasure of speaking to a grade 4 class on the publishing process. During my talk, I mentioned that the students should save everything they write, as they will want to revisit their past efforts at some point. While I said this, I thought back to my own magnum opus of my youth, a sequel to George Lucas’ The Empire Strikes Back. I thought the story was lost to the packing boxes and dumpsters of time.
Go forward 4 months, and my mother unearths the very story, complete with barely-competent illustrations and scratch-and-sniff stickers adorning the cover (The pickle still smells!).
I’ve gone through the pages, and while I can say that my overall style has improved, my handwriting certainly has not.
a) My eleven-year-old self has a problem with ‘i before e.’
b) It’s spelled “Tatooine,” not “Tatoonie.”
c) My spellcheck recognizes “Chewbacca” but not “Lando.”
d) The dialogue, while rough and frankly awful, is comparable to 21st century Lucas dialogue.
And so, without further ado, and with all mistakes and errors transcribed verbatim, I present part one of Corey Redekop’s fan fiction extraordinaire:
The Jedi’s Revenge
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, a great adventure took place. Commander Luke Skywalker, with the help pf his friends, had just succeeded in escaping the notorious Darth Vader and his stormtroopers. But Han Solo, captain of the Millennium Falcon, has been captured by Boba Fett, the infamous bounty hunter, who is going to give him to Jabba the Hut. Luke is at the Rebel base on Yavin. He is about to leave to look for Han with Lando Calrissian and Chewbacca the Wookie, when Princess Leia Organa stops them.
“Luke, you can’t do this!” she cried. “This is a suicide mission!”
“Yes, you certainly can’t!” said a voice behind Luke. It was C-3PO, a tall robot which was Luke’s companion. “You can’t and R2-D2 agrees with me!” R2-D2 was a small robot that talked in beeps and whistles.
“I’m sorry, but it’s got to be done,” Luke said while getting into his ship. “If I don’t go, Han will be disinigrated, and we can’t let that happen.”
“Aroghf,” growled Chewbacca.
“O.K. Chewy,” said Lando. “We’re going.
They boarded the Millennium Falcon, said good-bye, and started the thrusters. The Falcon sputtered, coughed, and then blasted off. When the Falcon was just a twinkling light in the sky, Leia whispered to C-3PO:
“I just hope they’ll be all right.”
Yoda and Ben Kenobi were meditating when Yoda whisphered:
“I feel…feel something is happening to poor Luke.”
“I feel it too, master,” replied Ben. “He is in grave danger. He is going to rescue his friend. We must help him.”
“No!” Yoda screamed. “We must let him chose his own destiny. He can chose to become a Jedi, or become a servant of evil. You should have never brought him here. You should have not told him about the Force and Darth Vader. We must not interfere.” Ben was silent. Finally he said aloud:
“I must go help him! He might be killed!”
“If you go, I go! I must not lose you to the evil side of the Force as I lost Darth Vader!” Yoda stated. “I will go get our lightsabers and then we’ll go!”
The Falcon cruised quietly with Chewbacca at the controls. Lando and Luke were pacing the floor. Finally Lando said:
“This is ridiculus! We left two hours ago and we still haven’t done anything to save Han!”
“Aroghrf!” yelled Chewbacca. “Arroghf!”
Luke walked over to Chewbacca. “What is it, Chewy? he asked.
“There’s a Star Destroyer behind us! yelled Lando. “Chewy, put up the deflector sheilds! Luke, you control the guns! Let’s get out of here!”
A large, ominious shape was on the Star Destroyer. He watched the Falcon with bemused intrest and then walked to the command centre.
“I told you not to follow them too fast! Now they’ve put their deflector sheilds!” It was Darth Vader. Lord of the Empire. His black cape flowed as the shaking Admiral walked up.
“I thought surprise would be wiser,” he said. “How was I to…to…Arrgh!” Vader’s hand closed around the Admiral’s neck and choked him.
“Captain Ozzel,” he said “you’re in command now. I want no further mistakes!”
“There,” said Yoda. “We’re all packed.”
“But how will we get there?” Ben asked. He had not learned how to travel by the force.
“Concentrate on Luke and you will follow him,” replied Yoda. So they concentrated and then in a flash of light more brighter then the sun they were gone. They were on their way!”
A small ship sped through the galaxy toward the distant planet Tatoonie. It was the Slave One, ship of the infamous bounty hunter Boba Fett. In his hold was Han Solo, captain of the Millennium Falcon.
“You can’t get away with this, you know!” Solo said through the bars of his cage. But Fett only laughed and said,
“We’ll see about that!”
“I’ll get out of this before we get near Tatoonie!” snarled Han.
Boba Fett laughed again and said, “It’s a little late for that now! We’re here,” he said as the Slave One entered Tatoonies atmosphere.
Brrzaap! The Falcon’s left deflector shield fell off!
“When can we jump into hyperspace?” yelled Luke. “We can’t take this much longer!”
“Don’t worry,” Lando replied. “We’ll jump any minute. But where shall we look for Han? We have no idea where he is.”
Luke replied “Well, I think they would go to Tatoonie. Jabba the Hut was last seen there.”
“So that’s where we’ll go!” announced Lando. “Chewy, set course for the Tatoonie system!”
Yoda and Ben landed on a nearby asteroid.
“I don’t understand it!” muttered Yoda. “We were following them and then they dissapearred!”
“My master,” said Ben. “Perhaps I can assist. Jabba The Hut was last seen on Tatoonie.”
“Good!” replied Yoda. “Let’s go!” So they concentrated and in a blinding flash more brighter than the sun they were gone.
Back on Yavin, Leia was pacing the floor in anguish. Finnally she said:
“I don’t like it, 3PO! I can feel that Luke is in danger.”
“Your highness,” said C-3PO, “if your that worried why don’t you go after him. It’s much better then doing nothing!”
“Bleep va doop re Bop!” said R2-D2 in agreement.
“Okay, you guys. You talked me into it. Let’s go,” said Leia werily as she turned toward her private ship. R2 beeped in excitement and immedietly followed her and 3PO.
Darth Vader walked to the control centre in crest-fallen anguish.
“It doesn’t make sense, my lord!” said an officer. “We just can’t pick them up on our scopes!”
darth Vader looked out of the window. “The Tatoonie system…” he muttered. “Officer, head for the Tatoonie system!”
“But, My lord…” the officer stuttered…
“No Buts!” said Vader. “Head for the Tatoonie system! Skywalker is there!”
The Millenium Falcon landed quietly in Mos Eisely. Luke and Lando changed so they would fit into the crowd. Luke wore red clothes with a long blue cape and Lando changed into a white suit with no sleeves and no pantlegs. Then they all split up Luke was in a bar when he saw a familiar shape go into a laboratory.
“Han!” he shouted, and tore off after him. He ran into the laboratory, which was pitch black. Suddenly the lights went on., blinding him for a second. Then he felt a sharp pain on his shoulder. He spun around, only to be punched in the chin and tossed into a computer. His attacker jumped on him and put his hands around Lukes throat. For long, terrible seconds Luke struggled with his assaliant. Then Luke tossed him into the wall. He got up and gave the man a left hook, which knocked him head over heals over a table, and crashing into several beakers and chemicals. Luke jumped over the table and picked up the man by the lapels of his jacket.
“Who are you, and who sent you?” he demanded. The man only snarled and replied:
“You’ll never get anything out of me!” Luke dropped and turned to leave, when Lando and Chewbacca came bursting into the room.
“Luke!” Lando exclaimed. “Are you all right?”
“Oh, yeah, everythings fine,” Luke joked werily.
“Who’s that?” Lando asked, pointing at the man.
“Who, him?” Luke replied. “He’s a bully. I can’t get anything out of him!”
“Well, let’s go,” said Lando. “It’ll be safer if we stick together!”
TO BE CONTINUED…
Can your heart stand the excitement? Who is this mysterious “bully?” How did Yoda suddenly get the power to teleport? Will anyone get disinigrated?