The conclusion to an eleven-year-olds’ Star Wars fanfic

[Orig­i­nal­ly pub­lished in Open Book Toron­to]
Despite my promise to fin­ish reprint­ing my first-ever nov­el The Jedi’s Revenge (writ­ten by Corey Redekop, age eleven), I find myself some­what ret­i­cent. My prob­lem can be explained thus­ly:

The damn thing is no damn good.

I’m not being mod­est. I thought this would be fun, to revis­it my sto­ry­telling roots, but this is just sad. The child me has no tal­ent in plot­ting or char­ac­ter­i­za­tion. Or even con­ti­nu­ity. This is sup­posed to be the sequel to The Empire Strikes Back, and not once do I men­tion that Darth Vad­er is Luke’s father? What, did I for­get that nig­gling lit­tle plot point?

As far as I can tell, the young me does not under­stand what made Yoda tick, what sex­u­al promise there was between Han and Leia; he can’t even spell! And he used exclaima­tion points! All the time! And since when can prison bars be “force-proof”? What the hell does that even mean?

So, accept the con­clu­sion of my mini-epic as proof pos­i­tive that peo­ple can improve with age. Although my apti­tude for dia­logue is still shaky.

The Jedi’s Revenge (con­clu­sion)

Mean­while, Luke was pac­ing the floor of his cell. Ben and Yoda were try­ing to bend the bars of the cell. Finnal­ly, Ben said, “I’m sor­ry, Luke. This bars are force-proof. We’ll nev­er get out before the exe­cu­tion.”

Nuts!” Luke said. “If that doesn’t work, were real­ly in hot water!” Luke sat down on his cot. “All we’ve got to help us are two bro­ken lightsabers. And we can’t fix them.”

Sud­den­ly Luke jumped up. “I’ve got it!” he cried. “I’ll make a com­mu­ni­ca­tor out of the lightsabers. Then I’ll call my friend, Fix­er. I’m sure he’ll get us out of here!”

*

Leia paced the ground ner­vous­ly. “C-3PO,” she said after a while, “Let’s look for Luke again.”

But, your high­ness,” C-3PO said, “we’ve looked them five times already! And besides, my joints are aching!”

I don’t care!” Leia retort­ed. “I’m look­ing again! So Leia searched Mos Eise­ly for the sixth time in a row. When she reached the out­skirts of town, she was quite exaust­ed. She leaned against a large rock.

Sud­den­ly the rock opened behind her. She tried to keep her bal­ance but she could not. She fell in the rock, scream­ing as the door closed behind her. Then she felt her­self going down in a hole.

*

There, it’s fin­ished!” Luke announced, as he held up a small gad­get. “This com­mu­ni­ca­tor will get us out of here!”

Sud­den­ly the ceil­ing opened above them. “Look out!” cried Ben. Luke dived for the ground, while Leia came crash­ing to the ground, miss­ing Luke by inch­es.

Ow!” Leia exclaimed. “That hurt!” Then, she real­ized where she was. “Luke!” she cried, “Ben! And that green thing over there!”

Madam,” Yoda said, “I am Yoda. I wish you would call me by my name!”

Sor­ry,” Leia said. “But now, where are we?”

Leia,” Luke replied, “I think you should tell us how you got here first!”

Oh,” Leia said, “I for­got.” Then Leia told them how she came there.

You must have fall­en through Dew­drop,” Luke explained. “It’s a large rock that I used to play on when I was young. Well, now I can call Fix­er and…” He nev­er fin­ished. Loud yells and creams were com­ing from the ceil­ing. Then it opened and Han, Lan­do, Chew­bac­ca, C-3PO, and R2-D2 came crash­ing to the floor.

Oh, broth­er!” Luke com­plained. “This is to much! This cell is only built for four!”

Where are we?” Lan­do asked. “I can’t see any­thing!”

Open your eyes, Lan­do,” Luke said. “You’re in jail!”

Luke!” Han cried. “Is that you I hear!”

Yep,” Luke replied, “it’s me!” They they had a short reunion. Then Han told them what hap­pened.

Now,” Luke said, “i’d bet­ter call Fix­er!” Luke ajust­ed the dials on his com­mu­ni­ca­tor. “Luke call­ing Fix­er,” Luke called into his com­mu­ni­ca­tor, “Come in Fix­er!”

A voice crack­led over the com­mu­ni­ca­tor. “This is Fix­er call­ing Luke. What are you doing here in Mos Eise­ly?”

Fix­er, I need your help!”

Sure, what do you need?”

Lis­ten, Fix­er,” Luke said, “do you remem­ber Dew­drop?”

Sure do! What about it?”

I’m trapped inside it!”

Say that again?”

Don’t wor­ry!” Luke said. “Take your blaster and lean against Dew­drop!”

Have you been drink­ing, Luke?”

Don’t wor­ry! Just do it!”

Okay, Fix­er, sign­ing off!”

A few min­utes lat­er they heard yells com­ing from the ceil­ing. Then it caved in, and dust filled the cell. Then a young boy came crash­ing to the ground, fol­lowed by a sec­ond boy.

Well,” the first boy said, “we’re here!”

Fix­er!” Luke exclaimed.” You’re here at last! And I see you’ve brought Deak, too!” said Luke, ges­tur­ing toward the sec­ond boy.

Luke,” Leia stut­tered, “who are these peo­ple?”

Oh, I for­got,” replied Luke. Quick­ly Luke intro­duced the two boys. “Now,” said Luke, “could you get us out of here?”

Eas­i­er done then said, pal!” Deak replied. He aimed his blaster at the ceil­ing and fired. Dew­drop explod­ed into the twi­light zone.

But how will we get out through the ceil­ing?” asked han, puz­zled.

Just leave that to me!” Yoda answered. Han thought about how Yoda could get them out. Then he had the feel­ing of float­ing in the air. He looked down. His feet weren’t touch­ing the ground! Yoda was using the force to life every­body out of the hole!

Soon he was fin­ished, and every­body was out of the hole. Lit­tle did they know that some­body was watch­ing them.

The lit­tle group walked through Mos Eise­ly, When they reached the Mil­len­ni­um Fal­con, Leia gasped and said, “Hey where’s Ben?”

Oh, no!” Han groaned, “He’s going to do some­thing crazy again!”

Ben, by this time, was far away from his friends. He sensed some­thing and was com­ing near­er to it.

We meet again, Obi-Wan!” said a voice behind him. Ben whirled, and ducked with light­en­ing-fast speed, as a lightsaber, belong­ing to Darth Vad­er, slashed above him.

Ben, hav­ing no lightsaber on him, ran away from Vad­er. He ran into a bar and grabbed a blaster. Vad­er ran into the bar and Ben fired!

Sparks flew from Vader’s suit. His life sup­port sys­tem blew up. Vad­er col­lapsed. His hel­met cracked open. And for the first time, Ben saw Vader’s face.

It looked like a huge brain. Red spots were all over it, and blood gushed out of the side. His eye­balls were hang­ing by two thin threads. Then, as Ben watched, it van­ished as if it had nev­er exist­ed. Only the body remained.

Just then Luke and his group burst into the bad. “Ben!” Luke said in relief. “We’ve been look­ing all over for you. What hap­pened?” Then he saw Darth Vader’s body lying on the floor. “Oh,” Luke said qui­et­ly.

Fix­er came up. “Stand back, every­body!” he cried, “I’ll get rid of the body.” Fix­er fired and the body turned into ash­es. Then they all walked away from the gru­some scene.

*

A few hours lat­er, the Fal­con was ready for take off. Luke was talk­ing to Fix­er and Deak.

So you see,” Luke said, “the Rebe­lion needs some new men, and you guys are just right for it. Well, Fix­er?”

Sor­ry, Luke,” Fix­er replied, “but I think I’ll stay here. The hus­tle and bus­tle of the Rebe­lion would dri­ve me crazy!”

How about you, Deak?” Luke asked.

Luke,” Deak replied, “i’m afraid I’m with Fix­er.”

Mas­ter Luke, “ C-3PO called, “the ship is ready!”

Okay, 3PO,” Luke called back. “Well, fel­lows,” he said to his friends, “if your ever in the neigh­bor­hood, drop us a line.”

Okay, we will!” Deak chuck­led.

See you lat­er!” Fix­er said.

Bye!” Luke called back as he walked toward the Fal­con. When we went inside, he had a strange feel­ing in his heart. Then he knew.

He was home!

Then the ship blast­ed off toward the stars. As Luke stared into open space, he real­ized he had hard­ly lived at all, and the black­ness of space promised even greater adven­tures to come!

THE END?

There, all done. Be thank­ful I didn’t make you read my Dukes of Hazzard/Battlestar Galac­ti­ca crossover The Dukes of Galac­ti­ca (and no, I’m not kid­ding).