People don’t learn…

From Chapter 22 of the zen-like ode to incompetence that is James Patterson’s online ‘virus kidnap crap-o-rama’ Airborne:

‘Don’t even think about trying that again, b*tch,’ he hissed in her ear.

‘Someone get the girl!’ Jones ordered from the floor through clenched teeth. ‘Somebody get that machete!’

‘F*ck!’ The biker restraining Lesley threw her behind him roughly and joined the circle closing in on Amanda.

Seriously? Still with the *s? What if I can’t crack the code? Batch? Botch? Fick? I don’t understand this idiomatic lingo! And what if they throw in a # or a %? I didn’t do well in calculus, I can’t solve for Y!

This entire exercise is like a slo-mo car crash, with another automobile adding to the pile every day. I have read articles in the Weekly World News that make more sense, and have a better grasp of pacing and characterization.


That said, like the movies of Uwe Boll, I cannot look away, and eagerly await Patterson’s sure -to-be-awe-inspiring conclusion.