What’s funnier than horror?

31-Days-of-Horror

Day 6: making the terrifying laughable.

JawsIt’s not hard to make a laughable horror movie. I mean, it’s not that difficult, look how many there are. But somehow, it’s even worse when your favourite monsters are the victim.

Such is the case of my favourite cinematic beastie, Bruce the shark (no, not Bruce from Finding Nemo). Once a mighty titan, Bruce’s reputation as a force of nature began with a bang, and was quickly decimated in three successively worse films:

  • Jaws, an all-time classic horror/adventure film, about which one can not over-praise:
Jaws

It’s a shark!

  • Jaws 2, which saw Bruce attacking a flotilla of teens, and was about as good as one could hope for considering it’s garbage:
Jaws 2

It’s pretty much a shark!

  • Jaws 3-D, which shows how much you can wring out of a budget that must have been in the hundreds of dollars:
Jaws 3-D

It’s…a shark?

  • and Jaws: The Revenge, a strong contender for Worst Thing Ever—worse than Sharknado and 2-Headed Shark Attack combined—in which an aged-as-badly-as-Mickey-Rourke Bruce bangs up against the mighty combo that is a slumming Michael Caine, an ersatz Jamaican played by Mario van Peebles, and the star of The Last Starfighter, and it only gets worse from there.
Jaws_revenge

It’s…ummm…huh.

In a movie just riddled with awful, the ending of Revenge is a crime against humanity. Although it does prove the long-held theory that a shark can both scream and (apparently) hover above the water indefinitely.

Damn you, people who make movies. Just because you can make a sequel doesn’t mean you should.

 

CatSharkFor the month of October I’ll be posting a whole mess of stuff about horror. Because Halloween. Mostly just stuff I like, because I’m lazy that way.