Day 6: making the terrifying laughable.
Such is the case of my favourite cinematic beastie, Bruce the shark (no, not Bruce from Finding Nemo). Once a mighty titan, Bruce’s reputation as a force of nature began with a bang, and was quickly decimated in three successively worse films:
- Jaws, an all-time classic horror/adventure film, about which one can not over-praise:
- Jaws 2, which saw Bruce attacking a flotilla of teens, and was about as good as one could hope for considering it’s garbage:
- Jaws 3-D, which shows how much you can wring out of a budget that must have been in the hundreds of dollars:
- and Jaws: The Revenge, a strong contender for Worst Thing Ever—worse than Sharknado and 2-Headed Shark Attack combined—in which an aged-as-badly-as-Mickey-Rourke Bruce bangs up against the mighty combo that is a slumming Michael Caine, an ersatz Jamaican played by Mario van Peebles, and the star of The Last Starfighter, and it only gets worse from there.
In a movie just riddled with awful, the ending of Revenge is a crime against humanity. Although it does prove the long-held theory that a shark can both scream and (apparently) hover above the water indefinitely.
Damn you, people who make movies. Just because you can make a sequel doesn’t mean you should.