One of my first gigs after Shelf Monkey galloped out of the gate and straight into your heart was a month-long Internet writer-in-residence stint with the then-new Open Book: Toronto. A project by Ontario publishers, Open Book has since gone on to, well, go on, and in the age of ADD, an online book site that makes it to the five-year mark is a rare and beautiful thing. A phoenix, say, or an albino penguin.
Open Book is a great resource, always reaching out to the literary community with events, essays, and more, and when author/poet George Murray asked if I’d participate in one of his Questionless interviews, I could hardly say yes fast enough. In The Questionless Books Interview, George get a whole bunch of books people to “answer” a series of unspoken “questions”. The results may be serious, humourous, insightful, or, as in my case, revealing an unsettling psychosis.
Here’s a quick peek:
I am…so very tired.
I am known to…cower in fear at horror movies, pulling my shirt collar over my eyes. Because poly-cotton blends stop all demons.
I do this in…the tub. What this is, I leave up to you. Freak.
I do this because…if I don’t, everybody dies.
I do this when I…type. This is more of a visual joke. You really should be here right now, it’s hysterical.
The way I do this is…condemned by the League of Women Voters.
At his/her core, a Writer is…a slash fiction enthusiast who cannot come up with enough new ways to get Kirk and Spock together.
As opposed to an Author, who is…so goddamned lucky.
A Writer is responsible for…climate change. Oh, yes. They fart more than cattle.
As opposed to an Author, who is responsible for…that one kid in high school who kept to himself a lot. You know the one; always reading, with the shifty eyes. Smelled like aged seaweed and cheez-its.
Read the rest of the interview here, and don’t judge; when you’re operating on as much caffeine as I am, you’re lucky the words don’t become sentient razors and slice you thin as deli ham. That’s the caffeine again.